I walked around a lot today, smoked some pot before leaving and was going to go to a writing group but it’s all old people so I ditched and walked around German Village for a while instead. I decided to read lots of Beat literature because they figured something out and I don’t know what else to look to, so all of this means I went back to the book store, the big one with all the dozens of rooms and I stuck a copy of The Portable Beat Reader right down my pants and walked out. I wanted to find this red-haired girl I’d seen working at a deli but she wasn’t there and I spent $10 on a sandwich that sucked. But maybe I’m spoiled by New Jersey delis. Anyways, here’s what I wrote out when I got to the coffee shop later on.
This generation needs leaders and spokespeople, outlets and descriptions, reactions to what society is going through. There is palpable tensions in the streets and minds where the youth walk. Change is growing till ready to burst and it is of yet undirected, focused on nothing and fingers are grasping at everything, because the modern revolution still floats a nebulous air, ineffable and undefined. A rallying point must be pushed through, an idea, completely original new, a revolution and reevaluation of thought and self, life, government, religion and society and spirituality. The path of the human race must be changed, this generation must be the one to do it, for it would only be in cowardice if we chose not to try.
Also I’ve been thinking and I want to go to Brooklyn and find writers with similar ideas because I want to learn how to become a writer. I want to understand what it takes and I have much much much to learn still. I’ll save up some money and go meet people there. I’m really anxious and dropping out was irrational and stupid but what’s done is done and there’s no going back, and there has to be something else out there, outside the norms and along the fringes, and I intend to find it if it takes my entire poor sorry life and it kills me without mercy in the end.